Maybe I'm overreacting here, but have you noticed how poorly the Dodgers have been playing since the Dodgers resident voodoo man was outed by the LA Times. I'm telling ya, Vladimir Shpunt, has it in for us. He is using his powerful pseudo metaphysical thought ray to squash and annihilate everything that is Blue. The public embarrassment and ridicule was too much to bear.
I can imagine the elderly balding Russian emigre sitting in front of his television, eyes closed, with his hand planted along his forehead. He spreads his fingers out and presses it firmly as skin begins to overlap his fingernails. His body quivers and hair, what little there is left, stands on end like when static electricity is collected on a balloon and rubbed against the back of your head.
I am truly afraid folks. Yes, the fear is starting to take over.
How else do you explain the lashing we received from the fake LA team from down south?
Now we learn that Chad Billingsley is about to land on the DL. Boy, oh boy! Could it get worse from here?
The Dodgers will be in Boston this weekend, no more than a few miles from the psychic wonder. His power will be amplified as proximity becomes less of a barrier. He can quickly tap the cosmic forces to law down a slap that could finish us off for good.
Of course, maybe I'm going crazy and my own sense of insecurity in the divine is really at root here. On the other hand, maybe I'm bored and figured this might be fun to write about.
Anyway, if there is any truth to the mystical magic of Shpunt, then I'll be a monkey's uncle.