The Airing of Grievances:
- To Eugenio Velez: 0 for 37. 0 for 37!! Really?
- James Loney: Consistency! There was a couple of months; especially to start the season, where you were just horrible at the plate. And stop driving that Maserati. It's like Kemp and Rihanna. It will just drain you physically, emotionally and monetarily.
- Rafael Furcal: You hit under .200 for us in 2011, but then go on to hit well above that in helping the Cardinals win a championship? I see how it is!
- Casey Blake: So you shave your beard and the Dodgers suck big time. I'm thinking of blaming you, big guy.
- Hiroki Kuroda: I loved you on this team... Like, man crush love... And now you're not coming back? Dammit! Do you want to see a grown man cry?
- Juan Uribe: I don't blame you for being so bad and looking so sad all of the time. I blame Ned for signing you.
- Vicente Padilla: I totally forgot you were on this team.
- Ned Colletti: Eugenio Velez. Eugenio Velez!! Really?
- To Frank McCourt: I Hate You! Please just go away.
There will be no feats of strength. I got mighty depressed at the number of Dodger Fight videos glorified on YouTube.